I WILL ACCEPT WESTERN BULLDOGS AS OUR NAME WHEN
I will begin to come around to the idea that Western Bulldogs
is preferable to Footscray as our name when these hypothetical
changes occur
(1) Carlton opts to become the Northern Blues. Collingwood
is discarded for Eastern Magpies. Essendon elects to be
the Western Bombers. Melbourne follows us in selecting a
similar name to an Interstate club. While our un-elected
administration target the West Coast, Melbourne will better
that by becoming the Central Demons. This is closer to the
South Australian club Central Districts than our effort
with the West Coast. So the red and blue defeat the red,
white and blue. Hawthorn decide that their nickname Hawks
has sufficient Haw and that Hawthorn is thus superfluous.
Also no one calls them the ‘Thorns’ so therefore
they become Eastern Hawks. The Kangaroos are more than happy
to not consider re-introducing North Melbourne. Richmond
listen to supporter concerns particularly the website ‘Eastern
Tigers Not Richmond’ and therefore become Eastern
Tigers. St Kilda copycat all the above and introduce the
Directional Nickname (DN). Speaking of cats, Geelong are
busy trying to work out what name they will adopt. They
throw the debate open to their members who have the choice
of the DN (such as Western Cats) or maybe Rural Cats, Country
Bumpkin Cats, Sleepy Hollow Cats, Regional Cats, Provincial
Cats or perhaps what I decided for them Country Cats. There
really is a plethora of names for you cat fans to purr over.
Other possibilities may well be – Victorian Cats,
Non- Melbourne Cats, Second City of Victoria Cats, Victorian
(But Not Melbourne) Cats, West of Melbourne’s Western
Region Cats, Of course they are your club so you decide
what you want not me. I only selected Country Cats for expediency
reasons. You follow the blue and white hoops so you can
decide on what name is appropriate when you vote to get
rid of Geelong. Just like we at Footscray………
Oops hang on a moment we at Footscray didn’t vote
on it did we?
(2) We boost our membership to over 100,000 people. This
number fill the MCG when we play the Fremantle Dockers there
for an ordinary run of the mill home game. There is a deafening
chant of ‘Western, Western, Western’ reverberating
around our city’s famous Cricket Ground. That Western
chant is so loud that it awakes John Wayne, Lee Marvin,
Randolph Scott and Charles Bronson from the dead and Clint
Eastwood can hear it from his home in California. The Fremantle
players are startled by this noise as their previous game
on the M.C.G against Collingwood only attracted an attendance
of just over 10,000 people. Their match with Richmond at
the same venue a fortnight ago witnessed a similar crowd.
Making up a considerable portion of the 100,000 Western
Bulldogs support are new Bulldog fans. Yes the Bulldogs
have picked up around 75,000 new members due to the following
reasons
(3) Many non-football fans in Melbourne’s western
suburbs, that previously couldn’t give two hoots about
football, have suddenly jumped on the Western Bulldogs bandwagon.
As before Footscray had meant nothing to them, but now these
people are considering their address. They have therefore
decided that as they are geographically in the western suburbs,
they now feel obliged to discover Australian Rules Football,
and follow the team with the name Western.
(4) The day before the Western Bulldogs v Fremantle match,
Carlton and Collingwood play before a small attendance of
just under, 19,000 people despite both Carlton and Collingwood
going into the match undefeated. There are two main reasons
for the small crowd for this fixture. The first one has
been the mass defection of Carlton and Collingwood fans.
Around 40,000 Collingwood and 30,000 Carlton have changed
teams. They are now Western Bulldogs supporters. St Albans
and Sunshine railway stations still see the same heads going
to the football, but these craniums and necks are sporting
different coloured hats, beanies and scarves. No more ‘Wipe
Off 5’ baseball caps in abundance on these railway
platforms. All you can see now are Western Bulldogs apparel
everywhere. The second reason for the smaller membership
and turnstile figures at Carlton and Collingwood games has
been the failure of the two C’s to embrace change.
Other Blues and Magpie fans in the northern suburbs and
eastern suburbs are demanding name changes. The Carlton
support want the C word dropped so that the new name will
be the Northern Blues. The white and black fans are fighting
for the same, with the name. They want Collingwood deleted
and the new title to be Eastern Magpies. The aggrieved Blues
fans believe, that the best way for the club to move forward
is with a name change. ‘When people think of Carlton,
they automatically think of third rate losers lacking success.’
This is quoted by one supporter who also adds, ‘By
changing our name to Northern Blues, we are embracing the
entire Northern region of Melbourne. Just think of that
area, from Brunswick and Thornbury all the way up to Epping
and Campbellfield.’ Collingwood fans are thinking
likewise. “We must cash in on our Eastern Suburbs
heartland. Collingwood is too suburban and when you think
of Collingwood the word, your thoughts turn to former St.Kilda
player Gary Colling. Why should we have some St Kilda player
in our name and the same goes with Wood?” Think of
all the blokes named Wood who have played with other clubs.
Bill Wood with Footscray back in the 1940’s and our
great tormentor from more recent times Bryan Wood of Richmond
and Essendon. Remember all the pain he gave us in those
Preliminary Finals with both of those clubs and of course
the 1980 Grand Final with Richmond.” Those thoughts
are from a Magpie fan and he also adds how well the Bulldogs
are going since adopting Western Bulldogs and ditching traditional
name Footscray. “Look at the support they have now
since adopting the Directional Nickname (DN). Australians
like boring names. It is part of our culture. Having an
interesting name is UN-AUSTRALIAN”, he proudly announces.
“Mundane names are what Australia is famous for. People
think of Paris and the Eiffel Tower, Holland with windmills
and tulips. When they consider Australia, the answer is
boring, unimaginative, state the bleeding obvious names.”
The same disgruntled Magpie fan declares that his club need
to consider how the Western Bulldogs has attracted all of
our support that live in the western region “We must
adopt the DN, before Hawthorn and Richmond jump in first
and claim Eastern.”
(5) The Richmond v Essendon fixture is played at the MCG
on the Friday night one day before the Carlton v Collingwood
clash and two days before the Western Bulldogs v Fremantle
match on Sunday. Despite the fine conditions a small crowd
is in attendance for this struggle between these third and
fourth placed teams. The 18,000 crowd is a major disappointment,
but not a surprise for some supporters of both teams who
had predicted this small turn out. A group of influential
Essendon fans blame the small membership of their team to
the Bulldogs changing their name and the failure of their
club’s administration to change their’s. “The
Bulldogs have claimed many of our supporters in the western
suburbs. They jumped in first and western suburb people
are flocking to the red, white and blue. We need to quickly
change our name to Western Bombers before all western suburb
people are signed up Bulldogs rather than sticking with
us. Also if we had of became Western Bombers before they
became Western Bulldogs, Carlton and Collingwood members
(and other teams fans) would have defected to us instead.
We missed this opportunity to ditch Essendon for the DN
that has worked so well for the Western Bulldogs”
according to one Bombers supporter.
However it is the Tigers who are most affected by the
small attendance as the red and black supporters have outnumbered
the yellow and black overwhelmingly, despite it being a
Richmond home game. The Tigers traditionally discerning
support though are even more hostile to the current situation
at Punt Road. They have seen a sizeable proportion of their
faithful (the western suburbs tigers) leave the club in
droves and join the Western Bulldogs. More worrying though
is the stay away policy that thousands of the yellow and
black army have adopted.” It is all to do with the
name” claims an aggrieved tiger fan. “The inability
of the board to accept the changing times and alter our
name is what is turning people away” This Tiger fan
then informs everyone how he has started his own website
on the matter. “I have written to the media and key
personnel within the club’s administration and now
I have been forced to start up my own website on the subject.
The name of my website is –
Eastern Tigers Not Richmond
And my website can be reached by clicking on to
http://www.easterntigersnotrichmond.com/
In this website I will conclusively prove to all and sundry
that the name Richmond is not working and we need to change
it to Eastern Tigers. Here are some of my reasons-
(1) When people hear of Richmond, they probably think of
Richmond in Virginia, the hometown of General Lee (Robert
E. Lee, not Mark Lee) If not that Richmond, they imagine
the Richmond in England or Richmond in Tasmania.
(2) When people at our matches yell out aloud, it is always
‘Come on the Tigers, or Come on Tiges or Eat em alive
tigers. The word mentioned is always our nickname. You never
hear people sing out -Come on the Rich, or Come on the Riches
or Carn the Mond or Carn the Monders! People never address
us by our name it is always our nickname. The same applies
with abbreviations. Richmond is never mentioned in full
or when shortened.
(3) Look at the massive support the Bulldogs have now got
since dumping Footscray. That is what we need to do. The
DN is the way forward. Australians love boring, unimaginative,
state the bleeding obvious names.
(4) People’s first impression of Richmond is that
we are, ‘third rate’ losers and lacking success.
We need to distance ourselves from this negative perception
and the Eastern Tigers will also embrace our unique bond
with the Eastern Suburbs and attract new members.
(5) We won’t have to change our song. When Footscray
became Western Bulldogs, they had to alter critical parts
of their song. We don’t have to because the Richmond
word does not appear anywhere in our theme tune.
(6) We will move up the list alphabetically. At present
we are 12th as Richmond yet as Eastern Tigers we would be
5th. Should Carlton become the Northern Blues we would progress
to 4th. I always hated how we were so low alphabetically.
(7) The Western Bulldogs achieved their reforms and it was
a bigger logistical exercise than what ours would be. Remember
they changed their jumper design, theme song and home ground
as well. Our uniform will remain unchanged except for the
usual sponsorship deals etc. We are not altering our song
as Richmond the word is not in it anyway. We will still
be playing our home games at the MCG unlike the Bulldogs
who moved from their home to Optus Oval. Only the name for
people to get upset about and they are only stick in the
mud types anyway. Just put the letters RFC, (and as small
as possible) above the number. That will shut up a few of
those people with their hatred of boring names. They are
just suburban dinosaur dills that loathe progress. Un-Australian
too they are, as we all know how Un-Australian it is to
not like ‘State the bleeding obvious’ names.
(8) There is no need for a vote on this subject. By following
the Western Bulldogs precedent we won’t need to call
another costly divisive election or get the members to vote.
The Bulldogs knew that if they called for a vote from their
members, it would mean sticking with the name Footscray
and not implementing Western Bulldogs. So just follow what
their board did. No vote and just make the decision with
no consultation. Democracy and referendums are for er………
democracies
(9) I look forward to the day when we become the Eastern
Tigers and the official club website is www.easterntigers.com.au
The introduction to the club history section of our website
begins with –
‘The sleek and modern unit that represents the Eastern
Tigers today owes its strength to the work ethic and resilience
that forged the Richmond Football Club in the latter part
of the 19th century.
Giving the Eastern Tigers a rest for a while I’ll
get back to preferring Western Bulldogs to Footscray when
(1) It is conclusively proven from amongst this cross section
of society - scientists, creationists, evolutionists, astrologers,
tarot card readers, mathematicians, John Edward, Uri Geller,
David Copperfield and James Randi (remember him the American
sceptic bloke Don Lane had an altercation with on the Don
Lane show 20 plus years ago which saw Don Lane storm off
the set?) that the word Footscray is doomed. Be that through
either the F word having some evil Satanic meaning which
jinxes whoever uses it. Or the explanation from scientists
or mathematicians unravelling some complicated formula,
which transpires to link Footscray and failure, Western
Bulldogs and prosperity. All things considered, I wouldn’t
believe any of the above anyhow.
(2) The Sydney rugby club ‘The Canterbury Bulldogs’
changes their name to Footscray Bulldogs. So we hear and
read of New South Wales, police interviewing Footscray Bulldogs
players in relation to………………
(Even though there is no such place as Footscray in Sydney
or New South Wales)
(3) A Western Bulldogs fan who loves the name Western Bulldogs
brings out a website offering over 40 reasons and actually
proving beyond any doubt why and how our club is better
off since we ditched our ‘shameful name’ Footscray.
One of their points is how he/she has learned the positive
benefits of ‘self loathing’, and being ashamed
of our history. Now he or she feels sorry that we were ever
known as Footscray. One quote from this website is ‘
I never thought about our name Footscray being wrong as
Templeton put through his 15th and our 33rd for the day.
However now I look back and wish we were Western Bulldogs
when we posted the record score’.
ALL QUIET ON THE FOOTSCRAY
FRONT
(4) The word Footscray expands like western does and replaces
western as a common phrase. So you will now be hearing or
reading about-
Footscray Star Butter, Footscray Union Man, Footscray Side
Story, Footscray Suburbs, Footscray region.
Are we watching a Horror, Science Fiction, Children’s,
Documentary, Footscray or Sport DVD tonight? OK so it’s
a Footscray you want to watch, how about we hire ‘How
the Footscray was won’?
Who was your favourite Footscray actor? Was it John Wayne,
Lee Marvin, Clint Eastwood or someone else? What about your
favourite Country and Footscray singer or band? Maybe it
was John Denver singing about the place where he belonged,
his home state of Footscray Virginia.
The traffic was terrible on the Footscray Revenue Road oops
sorry the Footscray Ring Road, especially just past the
Footscray Gate Bridge. My mate went to South Australia some
years ago and he went to a football game there. The match
he saw was Footscray Torrens playing Footscray Adelaide.
He sat there drinking the local brew, which is Footscray
End Lager. Footscray Adelaide play in the same colours as
the Western Bombers. Sadly Footscray Torrens merged a few
years ago with Woodville and their name is as the merged
team- Woodville-Footscray Torrens. Later he decided to travel
further Footscray and cross the South Australia / Footscray
Australia border and heard for Perth. Went to the footy
there too, taking in a Footscray Perth game. The next day
saw him go to the famous F.A.C.A Ground to see local heroes
the Footscray Coast Eagles playing for premiership points
in our national league. Many memorable Test cricket matches
have taken place at the FACA ground as well as football.
Of course FACA is the more widely known abbreviation of
its genuine name, which is Footscray Australian Cricket
Association Ground. He is a dedicated sport lover my friend
and flew to England to enjoy the atmosphere of some soccer
matches. One of those games was between Footscray Ham United
and Footscray Bromwich Albion. Whilst he was at this game
he was asking the locals who was the best goalkeeper that
they had seen. While most argued for the great Gordon Banks,
there was however one man who nominated another Gordon.
This goalie played for Everton in the 60’s and early
70’s and his name was Gordon Footscray. He turned
the conversation around to actors and enquired as to who
was their favourite male and female actor. In the actress
field they went for an oldie but a goodie- Mae Footscray.
Unanimously the preferred male was the fellow who often
plays Winston Churchill in movies. In real life he is married
to Prunella Scales, (Sybil from Fawlty Towers) His name
is Timothy Footscray. My mate is a real “I’ve
been every where man” type of bloke and drives through
many towns in the bush that many of us have never heard
of. One of his stopover points when going between Victoria
and Queensland is Footscray Wyalong in New South Wales.
Another town that he regularly goes by is Nyah Footscray,
the birthplace of our coach from 1972-1975 the late Bobby
Rose.
If these scenarios occur, then I will change my mind and
accept that Western Bulldogs is preferable to Footscray.
I will then make a total conversion and wish we had been
known as Western Bulldogs back in 1954. You, me or anyone
else could then pick up a Millers Guide or similar type
of publication and look through and see statistics documented
this way:
| Year |
Premiers |
Runners Up |
Third |
| 1951 |
Geelong |
Essendon |
Collingwood |
| 1952 |
Geelong |
Collingwood |
Fitzroy |
| 1953 |
Collingwood |
Geelong |
Western Bulldogs |
| 1954 |
Western Bulldogs |
Melbourne |
Geelong |
| 1955 |
Melbourne |
Collingwood |
Geelong |
| 1956 |
Melbourne |
Collingwood |
Western Bulldogs |
| 1957 |
Melbourne |
Essendon |
Hawthorn |
| 1958 |
Collingwood |
Melbourne |
North Melbourne |
| 1959 |
Melbourne |
Essendon |
Carlton |
| 1960 |
Melbourne |
Collingwood |
Fitzroy |
| 1961 |
Hawthorn |
Western Bulldogs |
Melbourne |
Yet, I don’t see any of the above occurring so I
will just settle for the quintessential Footscray that we
all know and love. If we are called Footscray again, I am
back in town. Within 5 minutes my inactive status will be
over. I wonder how many more will end their self -imposed
exile? Now is the moment for the Footscray Forever movement
to re-ignite. I was not a member of that organization in
1997(I should have been though) yet I was obviously supportive
of their ideals. I would definitely join them now should
they or a similar such group re-emerge. I don’t see
how anyone can do cartwheels about 3 small letters (two
a F and one a C) microscopically placed on the back of the
kindergarten smock. How the Footscray Forever group accepted
that compromise in 1997 is beyond my comprehension. Let
the new Footscray movement show more fight and bite.
There is a soccer club in England named Leyton Orient. In
1966 the word Leyton was dropped from their title and thus
they were referred to as just Orient. Many off their supporters
were aghast and fought hard to have Leyton re-introduced
to their name. These Leyton supporters were successful in
1987! They won their battle 21 years later. A long time
but they never gave up. I want victory much quicker than
2017, but if we follow the spirit of the Leyton Orient fans
then hopefully our campaign will not last 21 years.
Now let’s show some October 1989 like Bulldog fighting
spirit and merge western into outer space and put Footscray
back on the field.
